What's Sweeter Than Chocolate?
by Sapphire.Nebula
Summary: A Valentine's fic for all JadexDist fans Smut, humor, et cetera. Now, my Jade RPer helped me write this--significantly, might I add--so keep that in mind. Yes, Dist wants, what else, revenge and he comes up with an interesting way to get what he wants.


Ah, Valentine's Day. A day of romance and candy. 

And, of course, a day to ponder why this is your thirty-fourth consecutive year of being single.

It must be everyone else. Right? No one else is as perfect as you are. No one is as beautiful, sophisticated, intelligent, slender, or as good with their hands as you are.

Well, there might be one person…

But he is too perfect to give you the time of day. That bastard… he probably isn't even phased considering what day it is!

He probably has plenty of admirers… and who do you have? No one! Just the fon machines you make.

That cocky bastard… someone needs to teach him a lesson.

Someone like you.

Yes, it would be perfect…

----------

Ah, Valentine's Day. A day for idiots to give other idiots cheap gifts.

A completely pointless day, really. It doesn't even apply to you, since you're single. Though, might be nice to get laid.

Honestly, it wasn't as if any other person could even hold a candle to you. They could try… and some really did try, sadly enough…

Especially what's-his-name… Dist or some such? Yes, that's what he calls himself lately.

But he's one of the worst idiots out there. It is amusing to see him try oh so very hard to get your attention, though.

He's probably alone in his cave, cursing you this very moment. You can almost see him flailing about and yelling, even though no one is there to listen or watch.

Oh, well. Not as if it matters.

Now, where did you put that book…?

----------

Indeed, Dist was hard at work coming up with something to exact revenge on the stupid Necromancer. Scribbling an idea here and there on scratch paper, only to crumple the vast majority of them up and toss them aside. Many papers covered in various ideas for revenge scattered the floor of the small home setting Dist had made in Ortion Cavern. There wasn't really any other place that he could go and continue with his work in peace.

Not very different from any other day, but now he had to work a lovey-dovey theme into it. Which, of course, was never too difficult for Dist the Rose. Still, when it came to deceiving Jade, he had to be very particular with every detail of his plan.

Initially he had decided on a chocolate box to give to Jade. How cliché, right? But instead of chocolate… there was a bomb inside! Cue maniacal laughter, et cetera.

He scratched that fairly quickly, though. Jade would figure it out too soon and throw it at him. There was no need for that.

Instead he went with actually making a chocolate, but he would put something inside it. Not a bomb.

What should he use, though?

Poison might be nice… but he didn't actually want to _kill_ Jade.

Maybe something that would make him sick? No, he expected that the colonel had a stomach of steel.

Perhaps… yes, that would be perfect.

Not only would Dist have a splendid time with it--if it all went according to plan--but it might have a nice long-term effect.

With that thought and a nice plan in mind, Saphir went off to get supplies for what should be a very interesting night.

Jade, on the other hand, had found the book he wanted to read, something about new and unique ways to torture (mentally_ and _physically!), and had sat down in a comfortable chair. He traced the spine of his book lightly with his finger, smirking his usual before flipping the cover open, skimming the table of contents.

Really. The Necromancer is very interesting when he's alone.

Anyway, back to the mentally unstable scientist that everyone loves. Give or take just about everyone. The task of making an actual chocolate heart wasn't something that the Rose did every day. Rather...he hadn't done it at all. Needless to say, this was quite the new experience. After spending quite the time looking for a suitable recipe and required supplies, he set to work making the heart. Upon finishing the heart, Dist realized that this effort had taken it's toll on him. His hair was slightly tussled on his head, small bits of chocolate smeared on his face, among other things that had gotten him during his work. But finally, he had finished making a medium-sized milk chocolate heart. It was, of course, laced with something.

Why he hadn't thought of this sooner, Dist didn't know.

Now, he needed something nice to put his chocolate heart in. He searched around, coming up with a few items here and there. Abruptly, he pulled himself away from his work. What if Jade refused his advances?

Well, if Jade wanted to do that, Dist would just have to tie him up. Surely he had something suitable to tie Jade up with. If he used normal rope, Jade could simply cut the rope with his spear, thanks to the contamination effect allowing him to take hold of his weapon at any time. Pondering on that for another moment, if he tied Jade's hands closer together, he couldn't do much even then. He grinned at his idea, and of course the thought of Jade being tied up in his control, finding a coil of rope and setting it with his other supplies.

Dist grabbed the heart and put it into a red box he had found, wrapping a pink bow around it to finish off the decoration. On the box, in black cursive letters, he carefully addressed the Valentine to Jade. Taking a small bag to carry his things, he placed the rope in first, setting the box with his chocolate heart on top, careful not to ruin the pink bow. As quickly as that, he made his way out of Ortion Cavern.

Jade was nearly done with his book by the time Dist arrived at his town of current residence. The book had turned out somewhat disappointing. He had heard most of the "new" techniques the book had contained. He lightly sighed as he flipped to the next page.

February fourteenth in Grand Chokma was a bright and sunny day. Being so close to the coast, it wasn't really able to be much else. Dist, of course, hadn't been out of Ortion Cavern for very long for a while now, so he was slightly paler than usual, and squinting about because of the sun. He silently scoffed at all of the young lovers walking the streets of the town. Hand in hand, arms linked, lightly kissing their lovers. It almost disgusted him. Or was he only jealous of them? Who knew, he shook his head to dispel any of those thoughts from his mind.

Still, when Dist wants to do something, he gives it his all. Walking at a calm pace to the Curtiss mansion wasn't a hard thing to do at any rate. He strode over to the far side of Grand Chokma to where his destination was awaiting him, and eventually, he stood in front of Jade's door.

Getting to the house was one thing. Gathering up the courage to knock, however, was a completely different ordeal. He raised a hand intently, bringing it close to the door before halting, only to lower it a moment later. He stood there pathetically for a good ten minutes before feebly hitting the door with his fist. The resulting sound wasn't exactly what one would call loud, but it made enough noise for the colonel to hear it.

Looking up from his book, Jade eyed the way to his door. Why don't people use the doorbell? He got up from his comfortable chair, putting his interesting book down on one of the small in-tables that adorned the room. Why would anyone interrupt him on such a day? He was very intent on many other things, including his book, not really wanting to be disturbed. Then he thought of an answer to his own earlier question.

Oh, of course, idiots like Dist didn't use the doorbell.

"Dist, what in the name of things I can tolerate are you doing here?" Jade asked in a monotone, looking down at Dist with little interest.

Dist pouted. Not even a hello first? Oh, well. He dug in his bag and took the box out, hesitating a moment before handing it to Jade. "It's Valentine's Day, you imbecile."

"Oh? Honestly, I hadn't noticed," Jade said dryly. "And what's this?" he took the box, "nothing more flamboyant?"

"You expected a song and dance?" Dist rushed to his next statement to keep Jade from answering that he_ had _expected a song and dance. "Anyway, there's some chocolate I made for you. Which, I'll have you know was no small action on my part." He added with a bit of self satisfaction at his effort.

"A declaration of your love for me, I see. You really are a fool," Jade commented with a smirk, rolling his eyes.

Dist huffed indignantly. "Look, if you just eat the chocolate, I'll leave," he said, trying to act nonchalant.

Jade was curious. "Only eat it? I suppose you won't take my word for it, will you?" he teased, sticking a hand in his pocket and looking down at the red box.

"No, I won't. And, yes, you only have to eat it."

"There must be a catch," the brunette informed the other, stating the obvious.

Dist coughed once and shook his head.

Jade knew better than to trust what the smaller man said, or motioned, but he wanted to know what Dist had planned. No doubt it would be at least a little bit interesting.

So, he opened the box and took out the chocolate heart that Dist must have put quite the effort in for it to have turned out. It really didn't look any different than one you would purchase at a local shop... Though, looking at Dist, he could tell that he had spiked the chocolate somehow, but he highly doubted that it was poisoned. Especially with the other's feelings for him, annoying as they were. He took a small piece of the heart, placing it in his mouth. If anything were in it, then he would have noticed from the small piece. Strangely enough, it didn't taste so bad either. Not nearly as bad as he had expected.

Soon enough he had swallowed the last bite. Dist simply stared at him intently.

"What did you put in the chocolate, Dist?" Jade queried with a bored expression.

Dist, of course, seemed shocked that Jade had figured that part out. "U-um. There's a healthy dose of aphrodisiac in your stomach right about now…" he trailed, a small smile pulling at his lips. Jade had actually eaten it. His plans were going unexpectedly well for once.

A healthy dose of aphrodisiac.

**Aphrodisiac.**

The colonel pushed his glasses up with a sigh. "And I suppose you expect me to have sex with you, is that it?"

Blinking sheepishly, Dist was a bit taken aback because of the other's blunt way of putting it. Oh how one statement could ruin any self satisfaction. Dist replied in a low, quiet tone, "...pretty much."

Well, that wasn't so bad. He probably could have_ asked_ instead of going through all of that trouble. Though, the trouble is what made it all the more amusing. Considering the circumstances, why let the fun end so soon?

Without another word, Jade picked the other up and carried him bridal style, bag and everything, into his home. The surprised squeal he earned from Dist was very amusing. He carried Dist at a quick pace up the stairs that led to his room.

"Jade! Put me down!" Dist exclaimed hysterically, while clinging to him for dear life. It wasn't often that you were picked up and carried away in such a manner.

"Well, Saphir," he paused, letting the other fully process the use of his real name, "since I didn't have a say in the aphrodisiac, you don't have a say in the sex. Also, I don't want you wearing these." Jade took Saphir's glasses off and put them on a table in the hall.

Dist glared up at Jade--well, the slightly fuzzy blur he assumed was Jade--angrily. "I need those to see, you ass! Give them back!"

"You're lucky I didn't break them," Jade said in a sing-song voice, kicking open the door to his room and dropping Saphir onto his king sized bed. He stared down at Saphir. Really, it didn't seem as if the aphrodisiac was kicking in yet. Hearing the other squeal as he was dropped, watching him blush as he realized where he was, and then seeing the other's gaze turn to lock eyes with him didn't do any more to him than it would normally do.

While having someone who could be easily overpowered and ready to do anything you said sexually _was_ a nice thought…

Idly, Jade noticed that Saphir was still holding that bag. He recalled that Saphir had kept that small box with the chocolate heart in it, though, who would carry a bag for such a small item. He took it from Saphir's grasp quickly, pilfering the contents with little interest.. "What's in here, Saphir?"

Dist twitched and tried to grab it back, missing by several inches. "N-nothing, Jade!"

The brunette chuckled. "Oh, nothing, hm? Then you won't mind me looking?" he asked while he opened the bag in question, of course not caring whether Saphir minded or not. All that was in the bag was a rope. Well, the bag was of little interest until this discovery was made.

He smirked at Saphir, who couldn't actually see the smirk very well, while pulling the rope from the bag. The thoughts that seemed to cross his mind with such a simple tool...

He slowly moved closer to the bed himself, placing a knee on the edge while moving over Saphir. Such an amusing person when placed in the right situation. He took hold of Saphir's wrists, tying them together above Saphir's head. Sadly, it took a few seconds for Saphir to realize what Jade had done. But don't worry, there was yelling. He traced a finger down Saphir's neck to the collar of his suit, pushing it aside slightly, earning him a small shiver.

"Jade!" he exclaimed angrily as he tried to wiggle his arms out of his bond, "this is a gross misuse of rope!"

Chuckling, Jade eyed the other. "Is it? And why did you bring it?" He posed his question, beginning to remove the outer layer of Saphir's suit. He pushed the black top up past Saphir's arms and shoulders, unable to take it off due to the other's hands being tied. He continued, tugging at Saphir's tie wrapped around the collar of his red dress shirt, pulling it off and tossing it to the side. His fingers worked lightly and quickly as they worked down the buttons of Saphir's shirt, parting the fabric to expose Saphir's chest and pushing the fabric back with the black top of the other's suit.

Saphir chose to remain silent. On that topic, anyway, it seemed to hurt Dist to actually stay quiet for an extended length of time, especially with Jade's actions. He gave a small gasp, a little more color rising to his face now that he was exposed to the colonel's view. The disadvantage of that being he was at the Necromancer's mercy.

"At any rate, Saphir…" The aphrodisiac appeared to be kicking in right about now. Seeing the younger man tied up and lacking any covering over his chest, which was slowly rising and falling with each breath he took… Yes, it was quite appealing. Oddly enough. Really, this is _Dist_.

No. Actually, this was _Saphir_, and while Saphir is annoying, he isn't half as bad as Dist. At any rate, Jade continued to look Saphir over until deciding that he could move on.

Leaning over Saphir, Jade gently placed his lips over the other's. Gently at first, anyway. Soon enough Jade was on top of Saphir's prostrate body and kissing him intently. His gentle kiss became much more rough as he pressed his lips more firmly against Saphir's, sliding his tongue over Saphir's lips. The man under him gave a small gasp, giving Jade's tongue entrance to the other's mouth.

Of course, Saphir had no objections to this whatsoever, except for the minuscule bother of not being able to wrap his arms around Jade. He moaned quietly into Jade's mouth in protest of this. At first, he actually did attempt to object, but this is exactly what he had wanted. He no longer wanted to resist Jade, inviting the other man's tongue to his mouth, kissing Jade back just as fervently.

Another plus was that, while Saphir had actually been kissed before, being kissed by the colonel was something different altogether. He supposed that since Jade was practically perfect in just about every way, kissing probably was something that would fall into "everything." Oh, Lorelei, it felt nice…

Saphir, without really realizing what he was doing, once again parted his lips to let a small mewl of pleasure escape him. Pouncing on this opportunity, Jade roughly shoved his tongue into the other man's mouth, who spluttered in initial shock before calming down and starting to gently suck on the brunette's tongue, occasionally sliding his tongue against the other man's.

Jade smirked to himself and slid his wet muscle into Saphir's throat. The only thing Saphir seemed to be able to do was squirm underneath the larger man and make soft noises. Thankfully, that was perfectly okay with Jade.

Although, a simple lip lock wouldn't be enough to satisfy either of them, even if Saphir wasn't complaining for once.

Slowly and calmly, Jade brought a hand to Saphir's chest. He ran his hand up and down and around the other, before resting it on Saphir's nipple, causing him to gasp softly. Jade chuckled against the smaller man's mouth and commenced to rub his nipple, feeling it harden and rise up in his hand, and hearing Saphir mew in approval. It sent a shiver down Jade's spine. Oddly, since Jade was giving all of the stimulus to Saphir… but he didn't have time to think about it now.

Jade pulled away from the kiss, much to the pale haired man's displeasure. Whining, Saphir watched as Jade moved to his neck, beginning to caress Saphir's neck with his lips, kissing the other's skin lightly, introducing light nips, followed by gentle bites. Then, of course, there was the occasional bite that wasn't too gentle, each of those earning him a mewl or gasp from Saphir.

Honestly, Saphir was so vocal… even now, the colonel couldn't shut him up. All of this mewling and squeaking nonsense. Not that it was all bad, of course. It was at least a little funny as well as enticing.

Jade simply allowed his other hand to roam on Saphir's body. On his stomach, up his chest, cupping his cheek, down to his back… Then Jade had an interesting idea. If this didn't make Saphir do something, well, he would be disappointed.

He moved his left hand down Saphir's back, then back onto his stomach, down his thigh, slipped it underneath the other, and squeezed an ass cheek. Predictably, Saphir gasped, moved his body up to distance himself from the hand a bit, and struggled with his bonds again, apparently on an instinct to smack the other. Laughing quietly to himself, Jade lightly pinched the other man's nipple while he used his left hand to massage that particular area.

Fairly torn between the two spots, Saphir simply let out a pathetic growl, his face a dark pink. There wasn't much he could really do.

"Oh, Saphir… you really are quite adorable," Jade said softly, moving his right hand down the other's body to rest at his hip.

Huffing with a slightly annoyed expression--though it didn't look as annoyed as it should, being distracted as he was--Saphir began to say something that would cause an argument, but he thought better of it. "I-If you say so, Jade…"

Jade raised an eyebrow. Now, if anything else, he had a sure fire way to keep Saphir from rambling on and on about something in the future.

Even so, Jade moved his right hand to Saphir's crotch, noticing the small tent there. Ah, Saphir is rather easy to work up. He used both hands to undo Saphir's button and zipper, pulling down the trousers and the boxers he was wearing. Roses on them, of course…

Saphir's erection was only half hard, though. He would just have to fix that, now, wouldn't he?

The Necromancer lightly traced Saphir's now exposed length lightly with a finger, then gently grabbed the other's member. Saphir, obviously, gave a little cry of shock. Grinning, Jade began to slowly stroke Saphir at a rather slow pace, stopping to rub the tip occasionally in circular, teasing motions--which would make the light-haired man twitch and moan.

Unexpectedly, due to the stimulus he was receiving, Saphir whimpered, "Jade..."

This gave Jade pause. He turned his gaze up at the other man, then whispered in a low tone, "...say my name again, Saphir…" giving Saphir a firm stroke to encourage him. Saphir tilted his head back and complied, repeating the other's name, the difference being the moan that accompanied his name. This pleased Jade immensely. Hearing his name fall from the other's lips in such a way...

After a slight shiver, Jade resumed stroking Saphir until he was at full attention. Seeing him panting, flushed, and, well, excited simply seemed to do the same to him. Not quite to the same degree, of course. Jade had a bit of pink in his cheeks and an erection, though he was good at hiding it.

Silently Jade stood up, causing Saphir to whine in frustration, and began remove his clothing. He began by flipping the buttons of his uniform out swiftly with his fingers, sliding the material over his shoulders, tossing it to the same area where he had thrown Saphir's clothes earlier. This made Saphir stop whining right quick as he watched Jade through his blurred vision, still able to make out Jade's figure, and enough to know what he was doing. The color in Saphir's cheeks reddened with the thought of seeing Jade in such a way...damn, if only he had his glasses. Jade continued to remove his gloves and boots, also proceeding with the removal of his black undergarments he wore under the teal uniform. Now, being without his former clothing, he stood in front of Saphir, who was still lying on the bed, eyeing the other man before moving closer to him. This should have excited Saphir, instead, he let out a strangled squeak, alternating between crossing his legs so Jade couldn't get at him to spreading them apart. He pulled at his bound hands again, desiring to use them to cover himself from the other, or to encourage Jade to get on with it. Clearly he didn't exactly know what to do, so Jade placed a hand on both of Saphir's knees and slowly pushed them apart, giving him more than enough room to work.

Luckily, before Jade got on top of the smaller man and started what he really wanted to do, he had the presence of mind to fetch some lubricant from the dresser drawer which stood right beside the bed. He drenched three fingers in the liquid, moving his hand to the inside of Saphir's thighs. He circled Saphir's entrance with his fingers before sliding a digit inside of the other, moving it around. Saphir gasped loudly and squirmed a little, unused to having something up there. Jade took interest in this reaction.

Before giving Saphir time to adjust to his finger, he slid a second inside of Saphir, spreading his fingers apart. This earned him a loud moan from Saphir, whose face twisted with slight discomfort. Jade smirked at this sight, finally inserting a third and final digit inside of Saphir. He continued to feel inside of Saphir with his fingers, managing to find a particular spot that caused Saphir to inhale sharply, moan again, and even push down on his fingers. Jade smirked, realizing he had just touched Saphir's prostate. Feeling he had prepared the other enough, he became a bit impatient and withdrew his fingers. Saphir groaned in disappointment with the sudden absence.

Upon removing his fingers, he reached for the lubricant again, spreading it on his own erection. He had held off long enough, as every man had his limit. He was just as ready to continue as Saphir was now, and that was something that even he couldn't deny, and his own throbbing member was proof enough. He then placed his hands on Saphir's hips, positioning himself to enter the other, pressing his member just at Saphir's entrance, and slowly pushed inside. Even Jade couldn't hold back a groan as he watched his length slide into his spur-of-the-moment lover.

They both paused to pant a bit from the new sensation, Saphir more than Jade. Jade soon started to thrust inside Saphir, gently at first, but gradually gathering force and speed. Every thrust moved the other's entire body with it and caused Saphir to emit several sounds of pleasure. Naturally, Jade was more composed, but the effects of having Saphir around his cock showed on his person as well. Both of their bodies were covered in a thin sheen of sweat, panting heavily by this time, and--while only occasionally for Jade--making noises of approval.

Eventually, Saphir was arching his back and moaning at a higher pitch as Jade continued to move inside of him, seemingly close to the edge. Jade couldn't focus on what Saphir looked like for now for closing his eyes in concentration, but he was immensely thankful for all of the sound Saphir continually made. But the moans, gasps, and cries weren't enough anymore, so he removed a hand from the other's waist and began to pump his unattended to erection. He wanted to hear Saphir scream for more.

Saphir was yelping and shouting with all of the stimulation his body was feeling, his breathing erratic and he looked utterly disheveled. Strands of hair were sticking to the sweat that covered his forehead, moaning and encouraging Jade to do more. Smirking a bit to himself, Jade began to thrust as hard as he could, making sure to hit the other man's prostate as hard as he could with each movement inside of Saphir. This made Saphir scream in ecstasy. After a few seconds, he even screamed his new lover's name, ejaculating onto Jade's hand and his own chest. Dimly registering the feel of the cum on his hand, Jade was thinking–rather feeling–much more about Saphir's muscles which, as a result of his recent orgasm, were tightening around his cock, as if they were trying to milk him. With a final thrust, Jade spilled his seed into Saphir as he filled him one last time.

For a moment, they stayed in their positions, trying to regain their breath, but soon enough, Jade slid out of Saphir and lied down next to him. Almost instantly, Saphir wiggled into him and wrapped his arms around his torso, snuggling into the other. Jade chuckled gently and pulled the sheets of his bed over them.

Sleep came quite easily.

The next morning, Jade awoke with another person latched onto him. It took him a second to realize that it was Saphir, and that they had slept together the previous night…

Gross.

Though, looking at him, Jade couldn't say that he was gross. He was actually quite attractive, clinging to him so with a small smile on his face. Never mind on the gross bit.

Then again, it was all the aphrodisiac's fault. Maybe there was still some in his system? No, that couldn't be possible.

Idly, he began to stroke the other's hair. Saphir wasn't so bad, he supposed. A little eccentric… okay, very eccentric, but he meant well, in his own demented sort of way.

It was another ten minutes before the smaller man's eyes fluttered open and he managed to wake up. At first he just stared up at Jade as if he didn't believe that he was there. Then he gasped and clung to him tighter, if that was possible.

"Saphir?" Jade asked in an amused tone.

"Wh-what is it, Jade?" Saphir replied, looking a bit shaken.

Smirking his normal smirk, Jade pinched him.

"Ow! What was that for?!"

"This isn't a dream," the colonel answered in a sing-song voice.

Saphir just blushed and nodded.

Silence for a few minutes, but neither party objected to it. Of course, Saphir had to break it.

"You know, Jade…" he trailed off.

"Yes?"

"Does this mean that I can, um, stay with you?"

Hm. An interesting question. Jade considered it a while before nodding once. "Someone has to keep you out of trouble, no?" he said with a grin.

Saphir smiled back. "Sure. Though, there is something I must tell you."

Oh, Lorelei. "What is it?" he queried warily.

Glancing from the right and to the left, Saphir said, "there was no aphrodisiac."

Jade didn't even miss a beat, "oh, I knew that."

"…no, you didn't."

"Yes, I did." Well, no, he didn't, but Saphir had no way of proving it.

Silence again took hold, and again Saphir had to break it.

"Jade, do you love me?" he asked, hesitating.

Jade shrugged. "Sure."

The scientist would have normally yelled and flailed a bit, but he acknowledged that this was as close to 'I love you' Jade was ever going to get.

"That's good. I love you, too."

"Let's just keep this from Peony, all right?"

Saphir blinked. "Why?"

"If he finds out, I'll never hear the end of it."

Even with both of their quirks, Saphir felt that this was exactly what Valentine's Day was supposed to be about. Tricking someone you love into having sex with you and then managing to live with them in what would surely be bliss. Definitely what it was about, give or take a chocolate or two.


End file.
